(2am, answering the call light of a withered woman in bed)
ME:hello!
HER:cliff, i need you to talk to the people.
ME:who?the medaid?
HER:no.the people in there.(points)
ME:that's a wall.
HER:it opens up.they come through.
ME:who?
HER:the little boy.the man who says it'll be ok.there's 3 of them.
ME:cool
HER:what?
ME:nothing.are they here now?
HER:yes.uh.no.i want you to tell them to leave me alone.they listen to you.

one of my favorite metal bands of the past decade called it quits yesterday. i blame ludicra for being one of the many convincing converging forces that, for better or worse, caused me to decide to move to the west coast one night almost 5 years ago. to be fair, they also had a pretty adorable rhythm section. r.i.p.
 

last diaper i change every shift belongs to the hungarian.she screams like i am raping her the whole time,but i can't just leave her lying in shit.last year she lived independently in an apartment.then the stroke happened,crossing some wire in her brain &causing only hungarian to come out of her mouth: "EEYOI!!" is her husband's name shrieked (and phoenetically spell),but he's not there,so i'm learning hungarian phrases:
 http://translate.google.com/?tl=hu&q=undefined#auto|hu|hello!%20i%20am%20here%20to%20help%20you.%20i%20am%20here%20to%20change%20your%20diaper.%20please%20don%27t%20hit%20me

the diva is 100 yrs old.never leaves her room or stops complaining.she is a sunless transparent deep sea creature&you can make out every vein in her body.skin tears like kleenex.voice is a gargle of mucus&she scolds every shift,accusing me of starvation as i bring meals&of suffocation as i apply cannulas.today i found her in a cower:"GODDAMN POLTERGEIST HIT ME"&then an ambulance took her away.

WHEELCHAIR WOMAN:(seeing me)Hi tim!
NURSE:that's not your son!
ME:hi! how're you doing today?
HER:oh i'm great. i never thought i'd run into you here, tim. whats new?
NURSE:that's not your son!
ME:i'm working. a bit too much actually.
NURSE:he works here.his name is myles.
WHEELCHAIR WOMAN:(crying) oh tim it's so good to see you. i've missed you so much. did your wife have the baby yet?
NURSE:(yelling) THAT'S NOT T--
ME:yes.

(3am knocking on door of 96 year old)
YOLANDA:Hi honey! i coma to you with my graveyard trainee. he need to see your baby.
ME:..?
96 YEAR OLD:ohh..(rolls over in bed, tosses back covers revealing near bursting colostomy bag).
YOLANDA:oh! such a big baby.myle, you think?
ME:yes?
YOLANDA:honey,myle take care of your baby.
ME:yes?
96 YEAR OLD:how is my baby?
ME:it's a boy?
YOLANDA: you see?you can talk shit with her.