(@work, 5am, answering call light on unfamiliar level of the building. a tiny, barely visible female form peers out from under the bedcovers)
ME: hi there...what can i do for you?
HER: (unflinching) you can kill me.
ME: um...(sniffing air) how bout i start by helping you clean up first?
HER: i don't care.
ME: (pulls back covers to discover woman has only one leg) oh.
HER: yeah. i probably should have warned you--
ME: no it's--
HER: --it's awful under that diaper. sorry you have to do this.
ME: (regaining composure) do you apologize to your dentist for having teeth?
HER: no?
ME: then don't apologise to the guy who gets paid to clean up your shit. i'm state certified, afterall.
(1 leg lady smiles weakly. Yolanda enters)
YOLANDA: hi mile! hi honey! (to woman) he help me. you lika him?
1 LEG LADY: oh yes. he looks like james dean.
ME: ??
YOLANDA: not jame. MILE.
ME: no she says i LOOK like--
YOLANDA: Mile! you know who you LOOKa like now with your beard?
ME: no?
YOLANDA: hahaha! Fidel Castro! (both women laugh)