(@work, 11:30pm, hearing noises comming from room of sweet italian grandma, who is found pulling her saggy face like a rubber mask in the mirror & laughing)
ME: *knocking on door* hi there. um what's so funny?
HER: oh..oh..oh..(catches breath) we were just talking that's all. and who are you?
ME: i'm..(looks around empty room) here to check in on you? do you need help getting ready for bed?
HER: no dear it's fine. thanks. goodnite.
(waves, exits. 30 minutes later her call light goes off)
ME: (entering) hi again. hey you're..dressed?
HER: (irritated,glaring) WHERE IS BREAKFAST? WHEN DO I EAT?!
ME: well it's midnight. the kitchen isn't--
HER: I HAVEN'T BEEN FED IN 4 DAYS. YOU ARE ALL TRYING TO KILL & POISON ME. WHERE IS MY FOOD?!
ME: ok i could make you some toast or
HER: I DON'T WANT ANY TOAST YOU IDIOT I SAID I WANT A GODDAMN MEAL!!
ME: i know. but i can only--
HER: (enraged,throws remote,gets out of chair) GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE THEN YOU ARE SO USELESS!!
(overheard muttering to herself through the freshly slammed door)
HER: CRAZY BITCH..