following a 12 hour farewell bender in nola, a miserable 6 hour plane and two cabrides home, i returned to pdx this evening and lurched my way through a graveyard shift on zero sleep. tonight's nursing home donnie darko-esq moment was brought to you by the dynamic duo of both echo and the bunnymen & a screaming elderly stroke victim who can now only speak broken protest phrases of hungarian. as i may have mentioned in the past, said lady has no memory beyond 15 minutes and wails unconsolably like i am raping her the whole time i change her diaper every 3 hours. no hard feelings ,though. overtime, and through the magic of reoccurring similar stunts of extreme rest deprivation, i've come to accept that dementia is not such an unreasonable retreat for anyone trapped under the strain of ridiculous circumstances. what matters is how you choose to deal? for example: just as i am transformed into a hallucinatory ghost of a husband, son or aquaintance of the past to the nostalgic alzheimer sufferer whose mind no longer wants to interact with the misery, estrangement and bleak loneliness of the inescapable present situation, i too, inturn, eventually have my limits. around 4 this morning, i was reminded. as i blinked back sleep, endured furious hand swats and hysterical "NEM!!! NEM!!!! NEMMMM!!!!"s from below while attempting to tear off a pair of shit soiled depends™ , my mind suddenlt snapped and slingshot off. stifling a mantrum, a calm voice in my head commanded me to instead drown out her relentless crying with the redirectional crooning of the first song that popped into my head. for whatever reason, it ended up being "the killing moon", and while my mock Ian McCulloch lullabye didn't deter her background vocal fits at all, it did save me from doing something i'd probably regret and go to jail for. fate, up against your will, through the thick and thin, you will wait until..