(@work, 6am, near end of shift, drawing the blinds and letting the sunrise into the room of hairy chinned crone)
ME: morning!
HAIRY CHINNED CRONE: (squints against the sudden brightness, then jack-o-lantern smiles) ohh..i've been waiting for you.
ME: oh, yeah?
HER: (small child perky) yeah!
ME: ok, well let's get started!
(pulls back bedsheet to reveal that resident is not only completely bare naked underneith, amputated breast and all, but is actively fucking herself with one gnarled hand between her legs.)
HER: (face lit up, excited) c'mere!
ME: annnnnd...(peering behind bed) where are your clothes?
HER: you c'mere! (still playing with herself)
ME: no, we gotta get you dressed!
HER: no i wanna tell you something! c'mere! (dislodges hand from crotch, extends both arms in my direction)
ME: (eyeing stray white pubic hair lodged between her fingers) uhhh..i can hear you from here. what do you want to tell me?
HER: but you gotta c'mere! (looks sad) i'm so lonesome. will ya gimme a hug?
ME: (feeling guilty and awful) ok, ok. ofcourse i'll give you a hug.
( leans forward. Hairy chinned crone springs to life and grabs both my arms, pulls me in with suprising strength and attempts to agressively mouth kiss me in the most un-grandmother way i can think of. i start to pull away)
HER: (clinging tight,mouth next to my ear) you're my sweet fella...c'mere handsome...you're my sweet fella (plants kiss on my neck)
ME: uhhhh....NO? (wrestles free, exhales) ok... about those clothes..
HER: i don't want no clothes!
ME: (sighs) why not?
HER: i'm just gonna take them back off when you come in!